How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
