His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
