dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
