I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
