i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
