Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
