It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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