Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
