Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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