i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
