I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
