he wants to bone in the snuggie
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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