Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
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