My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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