Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
