When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
