when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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