so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I think your dad took our porno
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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