is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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