then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
