Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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