we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
