yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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