I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
