ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
