We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i came on her dog
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
