So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
