Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
