this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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