i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
