it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
