: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
