He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
