I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
