so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
