So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Randomize
