im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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