I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
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