You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize