I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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