so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
