Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
