So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
