I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I cut my penus on the lid.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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