Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize