Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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