Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
