there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
