I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
