Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
