Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
