I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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