I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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