no, he came in my armpit
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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