she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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