I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
