Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
