I'm really into asian looking animals
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Is Oprah even human
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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