Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
