Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Acid is not a monday night drug
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
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