If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
