He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm like, not good at living.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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