So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
